The urgency of now
03:32 p.m.
I need the paper done by 2 so that I can take a bath, pass by the English department, fetch my sister at St. Paul and start my sembreak. Mother says my tonsils are infected that's why it hurts so much that I cannot eat, drink, talk or swallow. So now, I was upgraded to drinking antibiotics. Good job!
[1. You do that? Me? I hold my breath as a hobby.]
Woke up at 2am today and listened to Radiohead. Supposedly I'd start early on the paper but, again, I was too lazy. Then I saw this site that called the music he listens to as S*d Bastard Music. He defines it as the kind of music that, I quote, have made me cry or have made me bitter or have made me feel like Tim Robbins in that rain scene from Shawshank or maybe just some combination thereof. I found it funny and too true not to notice. I've always said that Radiohead has that ability to make you sad. Not that suicidal sad or that I'll-cry-my-eyes-out sad or that fuck-off sad. Just sad. As in lonely sad. As in gut-wrenching, heart-in-the-throat, i-think-i-forgot-how-to-move sad. That kind of sad. The one that makes you forget everything and remember everything at the same time. The one I knew too well.
[2. Yeah darling, we all know that.]
Okay. Im off to act some more, as though I know what to fill the last three pages with.
[3. That boy is exhausted.]
Skipping LJ for a week
03:31 p.m.
Kids, next time mother tells you to drink medicine, do so. Especially the vitamins so that you wouldnt be sick in the first place. Do not stock it up inside secret pockets in your room just because you are too lazy to swallow one silly-looking, colored drug. Drink water, when they tell you to and not use it instead as solvent to your paint. Use the money they give you for eating, as it is for that purpose in the first place. Be not lazy to stand and walk to a cafeteria just a meter or two away from your benches. Saying, you're not hungry. Do your work immmediately when given. And most importantly, rest and sleep whenever you can.
So that you wouldnt get sick. Or that if you would, just not before, during and after the finals. Think about the night before the test and not getting to review because your head cant function and your muscles, too weak to move. Then waking up, bargaining to yourself that you'd get up at this time, falling asleep again and then realizing that you cant stand up. After that, you secretly take a bath, which would make you more sick but then, you wouldnt want to smell so you take the chance.
Taking the tests, you wouldnt know which to fix first: a. your want to faint; b. your need to stop shivering; c. your need to think and answer; d.your want to cut your head off because it hurts alot. And probably the worse part is not getting to eat. Not that you dont want to but because you cant. If you dont, of course, you die. But then if you do, your inflammed tonsils will wage war against you that even water feels like the deglutition of rocks. So you decide instead to just sleep or tell yourself that this is how the people in the streets feel like. That if in the future you turn out to be such, it wouldnt be so hard because you've been trained.
In short, that has been my finals week. Thankfully though for my english classmates, blockmates and friends who has made the sickness alot bearable. Funny. It scared them that I was sick. They said it seemed that I couldnt breath, that I'd just fall down and die. (And man, did it feel alot like that.)
I feel alot better now, although the eating thing still holds true. Oh and Martha, Im not on a diet. My tonsils just hurt really bad.